Regrets No.4

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Desperado Pt II - A Random Story

This continues the story from Desperado

I left Johnny's house infuriated with myself. All those years of repressed feelings had spilled out and I'd lost control as I'd seen him on his own, caught with his trousers down.

It had been unbearable all this time to be without him and just as unbearable to be with him.

I realised I was gay when I reached high school. I didn't actually know what was gay was until then.

I'd had feelings for Johnny before that of course, but I just thought that was being friends. When we hit high school it wasn't cool for us to talk about intimate thoughts or sit so closely together in the way that we had.

He just wanted to follow the model set by the more popular lads and do 'guy stuff'. I'm still a guy with my fair share of testosterone, but when it came to ogling turkeys in bikini's (or less when the chance arose) he would find himself commenting on their bodies whilst I would make jibes about their horrendous makeup and fake tans.

Then there were his obsessions.

He would get infatuated with a girl so much that he couldn't even speak to her or treat her as a human being. Is that supposed to be love? It seemed more like worshipping some ethereal creature to me. Then when his lack of interaction failed to get him noticed I'd get all the heartache about why he didn't even exist as far as his latest crush was concerned.

Well, if he'd actually managed to be himself around these so-called 'goddesses' perhaps they would have seen his charm and handsomeness, like I did, instead of the geeky, awkward car crash he became after overthinking every single word or reaction with the opposite sex.

I stepped in to begin with to try and save him some embarrassment but he wouldn't take any advice and my attempts to humanise these objects of desire just led to the detiriation of our friendship.

From then on I just watched from afar as his attempts to interact with his latest 'intended' saw him make a fool of himself time and again, when all he had to do was fall into my arms and be accepted just the way he was.

I guess I now suffered some bitterness and cattiness toward him as a result of all this. Fueled mostly by jealousy, but also from a fear of being rejected by him for who I was. It's not like I asked to be gay, but I wasn't going to apologise for it either.

Each year I saw him becoming a man and getting more handsome and at the same time drifting further away from me. At times our previous friendship feels like a dream that didn't really happen.

I ached for him so much, unfortunately I was too aware of his faults and knew on some level that we could never be. Whenver I found out who his new obsession was jealousy rose its head and I would vow that if I couldn't have him then no-one would.

I'm not sure how things will go from now, but he knows what I want and maybe why things are as they are. I'm going to have set him thinking about me, but will he reciprocate? Can he?

I know it's probably selfish of me to want him to be gay but even if he was a little bi, I could live with that. Just to share myself with him sexually on occasion would be amazing! I can't believe how high I'm flying after this.

I can believe his dick was in my mouth!

I'm just such a pushover at heart. I need to toughen up again.

I can't let him get to me like this.

If I blow this I'll lose him forever.

What can I do?!

I used to know most of the girls he liked, so it was easy for me to put them off him.

Now, though, he had to go and fall for the one girl with which I had no sway.

How could I win this one?

I arrived back home and dumped Dad's golf carts in the hall and then went upstairs to plan.

The next day I sent my feelers around the girls I knew, especially those who knew her. I quickly learned about a rumour of a conversation that Johnny had had with her after the canteen incident. She had actually invited him out with her. Most people seemed to think it was out of pity or a way of saying thank you. No-one seemed to think that maybe she had seen some of what I knew to be in him. I knew I had to play on people's attitude to this news and I would have to make it happen before this evening.

My only chance was to make sure he never got there. If he didn't turn up, then she would be distracted by other eye-candy that I would arrange to be at the rendezvouz. I knew a guy who would be just her type. Of course, if he did turn up she might not even notice his existence with him around. That was the back up plan. The onus of the plan was my responsibility. I had to obstruct his journey and I knew just how to do it.

The night of the date arrived agonisingly slowly, fretting over the details of my plan and checking up on my pawns without sounding too desperate, not letting on that my whole future lay on the outcome of this evening. I left my house at the appointed time and set off as casually as possible, even though inside, my heart was pumping faster than a porn star.

It was raining as I approached the bus stop just down from his house, he was already there.

'Hi Johnny!' I said as cheerfully as I could manage. Did he notice the slight waver in my voice though as my nerves took hold?

'Oh God! Mark!' he replied.

'Is that any way to treat your once best friend?' putting on my impenetrable facade was the only way to get through this.

'Look about the other night...' he was going to dismiss it. No way! Not Now!

'Great wasn't it? I was going to come and offer you another instalment if you're up for it?'

'No!' The look of terror was genuine enough, but was he scared of me or himself? 'I couldn't.'

'Why not? It's the most sex you've ever had.' Too brutal. I was never going to win him over like this.

'Hey! It wasn't sex. It was a blow job!'

'Keep it down Johnny boy! Do you want the whole street to know what we got up to?'

'WE didn't get up to ANYthing!'

'I remember you keeping it up very well actually. In fact it was sort of left unfinished.'

'I've got other plans.'

'So that's not a 'No' then?' Could this be hope? I've got to keep reminding him of how it felt.

'I mean, that I haven't got time to listen to this. I really don't want to go over it all again.'

'But Johnny, don't you remember how it felt? Just close your eyes.'

'Mark! I'm not gay, okay! Just stop it. I can accept that you think you're gay, but I know I'm not. Stop trying to seduce me.'

I'd overstepped the mark. Damn.

'Okay! Alright! This is me backing down. I..It's...The other night took a lot of courage for me okay.' Lets try the truth and see where that gets us.

'Courage?'

'Damn right, courage! Yeah! You threw away our friendship just because I started acting wierd around you and you never thought why?'

'uh..well. I'd never have guessed you had a gay crush on me.'

'Oh that's right just dismiss it as a crush. The gay guy can't possibly be in love.' Ooopsy! Did I just say...

'In. Love?'

'Love. Yes.'

'Right. I'm definitely not having this conversation tonight.'

'Why because of 'sexy wittle Jenny-poos'? Do you really think she'd go for you?'

'Jennifer? How do you know about our date?'

'Oh, Puh-leeze! Most of the school knows about it. Most of the school have been hiding their smirks behind their hands for the past few days and will be at Georgie's waiting for the train wreck.' Fuck it. The bus was due any minute now. If I could distract him long enough I'd have won this battle.

'When did you get so bitter? Why do you have to spoil my chance at happiness? This girl could be the one for me. I don't care what a fool I look like. I know she'll be there with all her friends and it's not like a proper date, but this time I'm going to have fun and she WILL want me!

The finger jabbing into my chest, actually hurt and I'd never seen him so angry before. I must have touched a nerve. Or maybe he had been sitting on this for the last few days trying to make up his mind.

'What are you going to do Johnny? Whirl in and romance her off her feet? You couldn't even seduce a tramp with a bottle of whisky!' MOuth! Shut up! I'm trying to think here!

'Are you trying to ruin my night before its begun? If you were any sort of friend, If you had any kind of feeling for me can't you let me find my happiness instead of dragging me into your version of paradise?'

I was speechless now. I'd never seen Johnny stand up for himself like this. He was maturing again. He didn't care what other people thought any more. He had found an inner strength which would carry him through the ups and downs of real life.

'I'm sorry. I guess I'm just lashing out because I'm jealous.' Uh oh! Moment of truth time. 'Johnny. Your bus is coming.'

He turned around to wave it down.

'Before you go. I want you to know. I never wanted to be your enemy. I love you and if your happiness means we never see or speak to each other again. That's what I'll do. I would rather be you friend again though.'

He looked back at me as he got on the bus. 'That's for me to decide. Until then just...just stay away from me.'

The bus shuddered into motion again and Johnny moved to the back of the bus as it turned the corner and rumbled out of sight.

So that was that then. My plan had failed. Johnny would get the girl.

The girl!

Oh no Johnny! I'm sorry. It's too late to stop the rest of my plan.













Character: messing Plot:Banning Resolution: also


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Iruwiri and the Baby - A Random Story

The noise woke Iruwiri from his slumber.

Iruwiri rose slightly, his snout pointing down the burrow trying to locate the direction it had come from.

There seemed to be a constant rumble, but no further noise was heard. Instead it was the smell that started to worry him. It carried hints of bushfire but it was more...vulgar...than that. It had the smell of Man about it.

Not Man itself, but those strange creatures they inhabited that did their walking for them.

They cared nothing for bushlife, especially his own kind who he often came across lying mutilated on the Man-trails. The creatures, known as the Reeawwrrr due to the cry they make as they pass you by, they were indestructible. Nothing could stand against them.

Not even the Kangaroos.

Iruwiri, like most of Wombat-kind, kept himself to himself. Night had not yet fallen but the smell was getting stronger and was making him feel queasy. As he moved toward the entrance he saw that smoke was filling the burrow. He was sure though that this was no bushfire.

He scooted out before the smoke overcame him only to discover the most terrifying sight. It should have been daylight but the smoke was so thick and black that he could not see the awful blue sky and its relentless yellow sun. He had no love for the daytime heat and yet there was a different source that was not bearing down on him from above.

He knew that where the smoke was thickest up ahead there would be fire.

And yet his curiosity got the better of him.

Cautiously he made his way closer to the smoke plume. He skirted around where it was thickest and then he saw it.

It was one of the creatures, mortally wounded and lying on it's side. It's mouth gaped open with fire and smoke pouring out of it. A spiders web had appeared over the transparent pouch through which the humans it transported could view their destination. Iruwiri often wondered what it was that made these humans travel so much inside these creatures. Were they its master after all or were they a parasite of some kind. He had occasionally seen a human feed it and wash it. He had seen many creatures refuse to transport them any further despite the animated protests of the men. It had just sat there ignoring them.

This creature would travel no more. Iruwiri ventured closer. He could see that a limb of a man, possibly the female of its kind, rested lifelessly on the ground through another opening within the pouch's transparent skin.

Iruwiri had never been this close to a man before, not even a dead one. He wondered if they smelt the same as his own kin who had suffered similar fates beneath the crushing power of these forever-moving beasts.

As he approached he saw that there was something else in the back of the Reeawwrrr's pouch. It was an infant-man. A baby.

A sudden pop and crackle of flame from the creature's mouth caused the webbed skin at the front of the pouch to shatter and fall all around him. This made him leap backwards away from the Reeawwrrr.

He was about to run away when the beast started to make another sound. Except he knew it couldn't be the beast. Despite the differences between them, Iruwiri knew the cry of a young one in distress.

There was nothing he could do. He knew that man would never help him if the situation were reversed and so he backed away carefully. It was then he became aware of the reaction of other denizens in the bush. Notably the dingos. Their howls carried over distance. The smoke from the Reeawwrrr was like a beacon to them.

Despite himself Iruwiri could not leave the baby man alone to this fate. He would not wish it on any living creature.

He went back to the Reeawwrrr to see if there was anything he could do to help. He disliked the heat and the smoke was getting more intense but he managed to get inside the pouch by squeezing past the dead female. He saw that there was something like a vine keeping hold of the baby. Maybe these humans were actually food for a Reeawwrrr hive and this was a drone taking back food for the rest of his kind. It started to make sense now.

The vine tasted disgusting as he gnawed at it. It was like nothing else he had ever tasted. There was no life in it. The baby had stopped crying and was looking at him. He took that as a good sign looking up to see if it was happy now, but the stunted nose, the furless skin and wide mouth were too strange for him. He couldn't tell. Then he caught the eyes. There was something about them.

Iruwiri realised he had stopped chewing and quickly resumed. The dingos would have plenty to feast on here but he had no intention of himself and the baby being included.

Finally he managed to snap the vine he had been nibbling away at. The baby slid down and hit the inside of the Reeawwrrr with a bump. Its face changed and the wailing started again. Iruwiri took it that the baby was hurt but he knew worse would happen if they stayed any longer.

He moved behind the baby and nudged it gently in the direction he had entered. The wailing continued. He tried again, but nothing. This baby seemed incapable of even the simplest instruction. He could barely see out through the pouch but thankfully what wind there was steered the poisonous cloud away from the car so it was still relatively smoke free inside.

Being a cautious wombat by nature Iruwiri felt a frustration that he could not get this infant-man to recognise the danger and leave. Instead he channeled that nervous tension and snapped hold of the childs outer skin which hung loosely from his body and started to drag the baby out.

The baby protested but all it did was cry louder. Iruwiri knew this meant the scavengers and predators would follow this sound before they investigated the source of smoke. He relied more on his memory to guide him out of the smoke than his poor eyesight or overwhelmed sense of smell.

He knew that the baby was getting more distressed and no-doubt was in pain too, but pain meant you were still alive so its nothing to complain about. As they were leaving the smoke he tried to clear his nose to get a sense of his environment.

He didn't need to. The howls of the dingos were nearly upon them. There was only one place to go.

As he continued to scuttle backwards pulling the baby with him he noticed that in the dusty trail they were leaving there was a stain. The baby was bleeding somehow. The scavengers would pick up that scent in no time.

Iruwiri knew he wasn't far now but time was running out.

He reached the entrance to his burrow and let go of the infant-man. he sized up the entrance and figured that it would fit through. Once they were in they'd be safe.

The only problem now would be how to get the baby in. He wasn't hopeful. It showed no real sign of intelligence. He started to feel regret at what he had gotten himself into. He was interfering with nature. The weak only survived if they were clever enough and this thing seemed to have neither strength nor quickness of thought.

If he hadn't come along then events would have taken their natural path.

He decided he had done all he could. He was now putting himself in danger of the advancing Dingoes.

Iruwiri took one look at the baby and dived into his burrow.

The outside world was no longer his concern down here where it was safe. The wind had changed taking the smoke away from his burrow. THe stench would cling and overpower everything for a while but then it would be gone.

He realised he had half-been listening to the sound of the baby crying. It had stopped now.

There was nothing he could do. He had done enough. Life goes on.

A new sound got his attention. It was a scrabbling noise. At the mouth of his burrow.

He stiffened ready for defence. He was on his territory now and no Dingo would get him down here. He backed gingerly down the tunnel entrance. A sound echoed through the burrow.

The sound of the baby!

The Infant-man was trying to follow Iruwiri into the burrow!

Iruwiri made his way back up to entrance the babywas nearly through the narrow neck. Hetried to help by scrabbling some dirt away around the baby. It made noises as it noticed him inthe near dark. He didn't know these humans could see in the dark without their sun-twigs or the fierce eyes of the Reeawwrrrs.

The baby moved down into the extra space as the wombat cleared a way. Soon the baby was curled up in one of the chambers. Iruwiri went back to the entrance to repair some of the tunnel.

He was caught off-guard as the muzzle of a dingo plunged into the widened entrance and snapped just short of his fur.

Iruwiri acted on instinct. He turned his sharp digging claws onto the Dingo and thrust upward into the roof of the tunnel causing the scavenger to squeal in pain and jump back, away from the burrow.

There was no rest for the brave marsupial though as another Dingo took his place almost immediately desperately following the scent of blood.

A second attempt at lashing out missed. Iruwiri may be brave but he wasn't stupid. He'd moved back just beyond reach of the snapping jaws.

The dingo pulled back and started scrabbling at the entrance trying to make it bigger.

A thundercrack froze the dingo instantly. Iruwiri saw it pull out of the burrow then run away with a whimper.

Before he could question why it had given up the answer came sharply through the breeze.

Man had arrived.

He poked his nose out of the burrow to take a glance at what was happening. Before he could take everything in he was grabbed and pulled out by the throat. He found himself face to face with a full-grown man. This one even had fur instead of the normal smooth skin.

The man was barking very loud at Iruwiri and the tone struck fear into him. He had survived the Dingo's only to be faced with death at the hands of a human.

He was held there for what seemed like forever as he anticipated the man's next move. Suddenly he found himself flying through the air and landing in the bush. The Man had given up on him and was now turned to the burrow.

From the bush Iruwiri could just see his burrow. At the entrance another Man was knelt down by the hole he seemed to be reaching out.

As he adjusted himself slightly, ignoring the pain in his left paw, he could see the baby emerging. It was safe now.

Iruwiri turned his back on the humans and hobbled off to find a new place to burrow. As he left he wondered if the legends he had been told when he suckled were true. Had there been a time when humans and animals lived and worked together in the bush? Were there really still a few of them around? He decided that no matter the past it was always the human that wins in the end.

If the sturdy wombat had turned around just then he would have seen the furry human turn in his direction and growl. Had he been able to understand their language he would have had hope.

'Thanks friend.'











Character: Baby Plot: Wombat Resolution: Wins