Episode 12

Sitting in Izzy's kitchen the trio had explained what was happening to her Mum and she said she'd go over and talk to Callum's Mum to explain where he was and see if she could help.

Shannon sat and listened as Izzy and Callum chatted. She had never seen someone so vulnerable and emotional. Especially a boy. She wanted to be able to help in a way that would mean something and help him through his troubles.

"Callum, do you think Jesus could help you?" she said when the conversation lulled.

"I don't know." He didn't seem to mind being asked "I've been thinking about it. Alisha and I have talked a little, but she seems to be a bit embarrassed to talk in any depth."

"Well, you know, if you wanted to, we could pray with you and you could ask Jesus to help you." She said it all in one breath, feeling she was putting her neck on the line and waiting for his instant rejection. Deep down though, something told her he was ready to hear it.

"Pray? umm. Yeah. What do I need to do?" Callum didn't really want to take the lead in this, but he was willing to go along with it.

"We'll do the praying. If you agree just say 'amen' at the end." Shannon caught Izzy's eyes and they both tried suppress a smile at the excitement growing inside them, borne in anticipation of what might happen. Shannon felt little hallelujah's going silently from heart all the way to heaven.

"And if there's a pause feel free to jump in and say what's on your heart. We're not going to laugh at anything you say, we just want you to feel God's peace in the middle of this...this situation!" Izzy interjected, trying to allay any fears that might be creeping into Callum's mind.

"Okay." He let out a long breath. "Let's do it!"

"Cool! Alright then, let's bow our heads and do it.", Shannon began.

A silence enveloped them, just as the darkness outside the kitchen enveloped the house. Thoughts raced through each of their heads, trying to make sense of what was going on.

"Dear Lord," It was Shannon again, she had decided how to begin her prayer and was going to wing it from there, "You are our heavenly father who never disappoints us. Yet we find many ways to disappoint you. Even so, you never give up on us and you always wait for us to come to you with your arms wide open and full of love for us."

As she spoke the words she could feel others welling up from inside her, wanting to be heard, "Lord, you know why we're here at this moment. You've placed me and Izzy in Callum's life at this moment, so that we can bring his needs before you. Lord, I thank you for the privilege of being here for him as he finds himself dealing with his parent's problems.

"It's not his fault that they are breaking up Lord, I know you know that, but I want to ask you to bring peace to his heart. Lord, give him a peace in his heart that passes his understanding. Help him to know that there was nothing he could do. Don't let him suffer for his parent's mistakes. Help him to know that he is precious to you!"

Shannon felt as if the prayer was flowing through her rather than from her. That her prrayer itself conveyed a message of comfort to Callum as much as it asked God to intervene.

"Heavenly Father, we feel really blessed to have been brought up to know your love. I ask now that your love would wash over Callum and bring him joy like he has never felt before. I ask all these things of you in Jesus' name and according to you will. Amen!"

Shannon closed her prayer with a feeling of elation. Izzy's amen confidently agreed with her friend, whilst Callum's was quiet and thoughtful.

The silence crept back in. The air was thick with a sense of otherwordliness.

Callum took in a deep breath, as if about to speak, but before he could Izzy spoke first.

"Dear Lord, I thank you that you that you have shown us another way to live our lives that means we can face life's challenges, not on our own, but with your strength to keep us going through them. We don't have to rely on anyone else but you and you are happy to help us because you love us.

"Please Lord, be with Callum now, even though he may not feel your presence, so that he will be able to look back at his life one day and know that you carried him through this difficult period of his life. Lord, give him hope that no matter how bad things may seem today, they will get better and his life will blossom with opportunities. Lord, let your spirit be with him now and touch his heart. In Jesus' name, Amen."

After Shannon and Callum said their amen's there wasn't much of a pause before Callum spoke up. Nervousness filled his voice but he seemed determined to just get on with this.

"God. There's a lot I still don't know about you, but I do know the people I've seen who go to Church because of you. Alesha, Izzy and Shannon are all wonderful people, God, and they all seem to think you're pretty special too. I don't know what to say really. I agree with Izzy and Shannon's prayers. If you could do those things, if you could make my life better, if you could stop the pain and help mend my parents' relationship I would be very happy. I don't know if you'd expect anything from me in return. I'd be willing to get to know you better and see if you are who people say you are." Callum let out a nervous laugh.

"I have felt something here tonight, God. If that's you then there may be something to it all. I don't really want to rush into all this. I guess it all boils down to, if you want to help me then I would appreciate it. If there's something you need from me then you need to find a way to let me know and convince me that it's really you. I'm conscious there's a lot of if's there, but I've never done this before. Anyway, I should probably stop there as I'm just rabbiting on now. ummm. Thanks for the help to come. Amen."

The girls followed suit with their agreement. When Shannon lifted her head she saw that Callum had a nervous smile on his face as he looked between the two of them.

"Did I do okay?" he asked.

"You did fine! I'm not sure there's a right way or a wrong way to talk to God if you're not actually a Christian! You just gotta do it, and you did!"

Shannon was still excited by this as she lay in bed. Last night was the first time she had ever been part of a prayer like that. The first time she had been present when someone had reached out to God. She had prayed silently for Callum all the way home as Izzy's Mum had taken them both back to their respective homes. She sent up another prayer now, hoping that God was working with Callum and his family right at this moment and things were changing for the better.

She hoped to see him at Church soon. Would he turn up or not?

"Shannon are you getting up?" It was her Mum. Everbody was already downstairs having breakfast.

She got out of bed, stretching, she said goodbye to the sunlight and headed of to do her bathroom routine.

She appeared downstairs and greeted her family as she sat down at the breakfast table. She sat between her elder sister and 10-year-old brother.

As she prepared her cereal her smile continued to dazzle as much as the sunshine she'd left behind in her bedroom as she thought about what God might be doing for Callum.

"Still beaming from last night, I see!" Her Dad commented. He had been waiting when she arrived and they's sat and talked about it for a while before eventually getting to bed.

"Isn't God excellent!" Shannon did a little happy dance in her chair, making everyone laugh, before tucking into her cereal. "It's going to be a great day, isn't it?"

"Are you going to be this annoying all day?" said her brother, only half-jokingly.

"For the rest of my life, hopefully." She replied.


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Now playing: Manic Street Preachers - The Everlasting (Stealth Sonic Orchestra Remix)
via FoxyTunes

The Last Bus Journey - A Random Story

He sat at the front of the bus, facing sideways across the aisle.

People got on and off right in front of him but he didn't notice them. He was lost in another place, another time.

Everything had gotten so difficult lately. He'd finaly left High School behind and taken a course at the local Art College to get his degree. Except it was nothing like he'd expected.

He was all on his own with no support. For the first time in his life he was having to stand on his own two feet.

He was falling badly. There was nothing familiar. There was no comfort in his new classmates. Everything was hostile to him. Even the lessons themselves.

Who was he supposed to talk to? He wasn't supposed to have the kinds of thoughts that raced through his mind.

He had been brought up to be a good, Christian boy. He wasn't supposed to think about girls, they only wanted sex. He wasn't supposed to hang out with guys as they just used drink and drugs to have fun. The only people he was allowed to mix with were those his Mother deemed suitable.

These were the children of good Christian parents. They weren't at all like the other kids he came into contact with. At least that was what he was told. Experience showed him otherwise. What was wrong with him, he thought. Why did he feel like he was the only person trying to live a godly life.

He didn't swear. He didn't drink. He didn't take drugs. He hadn't had sex. He wasn't violent.

He was considerate. He put other people first. He was always helpful. He'd read the whole of his Bible twice already and could even remember certain chunks of it.

So why did life feel so crap?

It was a hot day and the bus driver had left the doors open just in front of him. He looked down at the road passing by at great speed and imagined throwing himself out of it.

'Why would I do that?' he asked himself. 'I'm doing okay with God aren't I?'

'If so why are you feeling so empty?' a voice inside him said.

The bus pulled to a stop and a girl got on board. He immediately looked at the floor, so as not to tempt himself with impure thoughts by looking at her. Even as he did so, he couldn't stop himself from looking at her smooth, shapely legs as she walked by.

'Look up', the voice inside said, 'look her in the face.'

'I can't', he said, 'she might see me looking.'

'Won't she want you to look?'

'I'm not lovable. I'm not good looking. If I look half as bad on the outside as I feel on the inside I can only expect nothing but pity, never love.'

'Then look out through that door again.'

He looked

'If you're so worthless then why not throw yourself out. No one will miss you.'

He screwed his eyes up tight and tried not to scream out loud on the bus. He tried to put all the pain in a bubble and push it far down inside him where he wouldn't have to deal with it.

This time it wouldn't work. The bubble cracked and the pain flowed back.

A tear fell from his eye, followed by another. He buried his head in his hands to hide these tears from those on board.

He knew they were all looking at him losing it but he wouldn't sob. He would never give them the satisfaction. He might not of been able to hold the tears back but there was no way he would utter a sound.

'So this is your life, eh?'

'Things might change.'

'How?'

'I don't know. But God has a plan for me. If I keep doing what he wants then I'll find out.'

'How do you know you're not just crazy, listening for God's voice?'

'I...I don't know that I'm not crazy. I believe I'm not crazy. Hope is all that I have left.'

He wiped the tear tracks away now that he had gotten some semblance of control back again and lifted his head to look out of the window. Without thinking his body tensed and tried to throw itself out of the moving bus.

He caught it just in time. He tried not to look down the rest of the bus to see if anyone had noticed him half rise from his seat.

'I can't believe I nearly did it!'

'Maybe you're not as sure in your hope as you thought you were?'

'What else can I do? If I kill myself then that's definitely the end and I don't want to undo all the effort I've put into being good and send myself to Hell by default.'

'So you're chicken then? The thought of eternal hell is greater than the hell you've made for yourself in this life?'

'No...maybe...is that so bad? From what I understand you can't change your destiny once you're dead. You've only got this life to set you up for the next.'

'And you're so sure there is a next life.'

'Yes. I can't imagine there being nothing more.'

'So take a look at that girl then. Make the most of this life.'

'I can't. There's no point me looking at a girl if I'm not capable on following through with more.'

'Meaning?'

'What's the point of initiating a conversation with a glance when I can't talk to the person afterwards.'

'Live dangerously. Play it by ear.'

'But I know I'm not going to get on with them because they'll probably want to go to a pub or a club for a date and I don't drink and I don't agree with the songs that they play at these places.'

'So you're effectively talking yourself out of it?'

'No, I'm just saving disappointment all round. What's the point in starting a friendship with someone when you know that it'll fail in the end.'

'You have no friends?'

'I have those I grew up with, but I feel uncomfortable around them these days. I'm sure they probably notice, but I can't help it. To be honest though they don't judge me nearly as much as I judge myself.'

'So what has God given you that equals all that you've given up?'

'I don't think it works like that.'

'What do you think would happen if you started doing all the things that your peers seem to enjoy?'

'It would be very enjoyable I'm sure, but it would be a case of partying on the fast train to hell.'

'If it's all bothering you so much why not talk to your Mum or your Pastor about how you're feeling?'

'I'd just be a disappointment to them. How can I love God so much and yet still have these feelings and thoughts that I know are wrong?'

'I guess you're right there. I'd imagine they'd throw you out of Church for thinking about girls and wanting to have sex with them. Everyone knows that Men should only marry virgins and that women only have babies when God says so.'

'How do you get to that point? How do you convince a girl to like you, let alone marry you?'

'What do you think?'

'I think that God just brings the right person into your life and it all falls into place.'

'Without you having to do anything?'

'Pretty much, yeah.'

'I think you're going to have to show a bit more backbone than that to get what you want.'

'I can't though. I'm not strong enough to do this. Girls are formidable people. They don't need guys. We should feel privileged that they even want to be with us.'

'Where did you get that from?'

'I grew up with a bunch of feminists.'

'Feminists and Christians? You should be the perfect guy then.'

'I'm trying. The girls I like always seem to go for the confident guys or the bad guys though. Don't they see that those guys would never love them like I would?'

'Exciting or boring, which would I choose? hmmmm.'

'Is that it. Is that why I'm on my own.'

'You already know this. That's why you're talking to yourself.'

He looked up and found that everyone was actually looking at him this time.

'Yes you were talking out loud.', said one passenger.

The bus pulled to a stop again and he jumped off not caring where he was. He would walk the rest of the way home.

The tears were back again.

He walked as fast as his legs would carry him, trying to dodge people on the pavement, only occasionally having to push his way through a few by bumping shoulders.

He wanted the ground to open and lose him forever.

'If only someone else would kill me. A car could hit me, or I could get mugged or something...something else where it wasn't my fault. If it happened like that then I wouldn't be to blame and it wouldn't be suicide.'

'Are we here again? I thought you decided that God was going to fix things for you.'

'It still doesn't stop the pain though. It's the pain, the awareness of what I haven't got that makes everything unbearable.'

'Doesn't God give you peace?'

'Kind of.'

'Is that a yes or a no?'

'I feel a peace that I'm on the right path, it's just every step I take on that path is so hard.'

'Do you want to give up? You know you can give up without killing yourself. Just stop doing what everyone tells you to and make your own decisions.'

'I am making my own decisions.'

'Why are you a Christian?'

'Because my Mum took me to church and wanted me to make a commitment, so I did.'

'Why can't you make friends?'

'Because my Mum wouldn't like me hanging out with someone she doesn't like.'

'Why can't you talk to girls?'

'Because I'm afraid I'll treat them badly just like my Mum and all her friends were badly treated by their boyfriends/husbands.'

'So your decisions are all based on what you think other people want. Specifically your Mum?'

'It seems that way. But it's only because she's given so much to me.'

'Sounds like she taken away more than she could ever have possibly have given. Don't you have any self-confidence?'

'If I did I'd just be like everyone else.'

'But you want to be like everyone else?'

'No, I want what they've got, but I want to get it in a way that will mean something and last forever.'

'You can't go on like this. Something has to give.'

'I know.'

His journey was at end. He had reached home after all, still in one piece.

He went in and ran upstairs to his bedroom. His defence against the world.

'I can't go back to college. I'm not ready. I just can't cope with all those people smoking, drinking, taking drugs, talking about sex and probably doing it too. It's like a big carrot hanging in front of me, taunting me. 'How strong are you?''

'So you're just going to hide here.'

'What's the point of me ever leaving. I'll still go to Church, its where I feel comfortable. The people there are generally safer. Maybe it'll just give me some time until I can figure out who I am and what I'm going to be.'

'They'll be winning. Those you're running away from. They are the ones who are going to go on and have rich lives full of experience after experience.'

'I just can't do it. I'm not that strong. I just have to be grateful to be alive and take it from there. Some days the pain isn't so bad you know. I just wanted my life to be art college and then go to do some kind of Graphic Design degree and become an artist. I'll just have to find some other way of doing it.'

He lay there, apart from the world. His world had come crashing down and broken his spirit. Things were never the same from then on. It was a slow process of rebuilding but eventually opportunities arose and he felt able to take the necessary risks and get a life.

During this time he looked back and although things had been tough and painful maybe there had been someone watching over him after all.

He was never quite sure who's side they were on though.













Character: breakdown Plot: cracks Resolution: supervise



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Now playing: Levellers - Hope Street
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Electric Soul - A Random Story

"I detect subtle undertones in that comment", she said.

That's probably true.

By now I was fed up with the way the conversation was going it was time to change tack.

"Have you ever wondered about electricity?" I said, totally ignoring everything she had just said.

"You're doing it again!"

Her frustration was apparent. I savoured it.

"But seriously. I think electricity is evil." I carried on.

"This is important!" Ah! A test of wills! Who would crack first?

"Has electricity ever brought anything good into the world?"

"You know we need to resolve this!"

Her eyes were ablaze. Her brow furrowed.

Damn Sexy!

"What if electricity was really demons?"

She stopped. Staring at me. I'd got her.

I used the pause to gain an advantage.

"Or dead souls."

Her protracted blank look gave me all the encouragement i needed. I was in control of this conversation now.

"Think about it. What is it that controls us? Our Brain."

"Not in your case." She retorted.

A reflex comment. Nothing more. I could tell I was distracting her from the case in hand. She was a sucker for the absurd. I guess that's why she liked me!

Ignoring her comment I proceeded.

"What has science revealed to be the essential activity of our brain? Electrical impulses."

"Your impulses are more physical than ethereal." she countered.

I couldn't disagree so I continued headlong down this strange path.

"What is one of the measures of death? A lack of electrical activity in the brain."

"Maybe if I stick a battery up your arse you'll be cured."

Oh dear. My impact was weakening. She was recovering strength I had to come up with something before she could wrest control away again.

"Anyway, where does all that electrical energy go once you die? You can try and stimulate the brain with conducted electrical energy but it doesn't bring life back to a dead body does it?"

"I wouldn't put it past you to be stimulated by a dead body."

"So our brains are powered by a special kind of electrical energy. Lets call it a soul."

"Let's not. Lets call it avoiding the issue."

Rats! I was losing her. I'm sure I could detect a faint smile across her lips though, but her eyes were regaining their intensity.

"Just go with me here for a minute."

"That long? I'm sure you could go the distance twice in that time."

Hah! She was enjoying this! The banter was getting to her. Maybe I still had a chance to turn things around.

"So what happens to this soul? Maybe in death the body is no longer capable of holding or containing this energy and it is released but it doesn't disappear."

"There have been moments when I've thought about releasing you and wishing you'd disappear. Why am i even listening to your BS?"

"Maybe this is what's floating around out there? Maybe in the last 150 or so years we've been trying to harness the souls of the dead. Maybe science and magic aren't as disconnected as we thought?"

"I'm getting a little tired of this now. You're actually starting to spook me."

"It is spooky though. Maybe the dead are getting their revenge on us by enslaving us to the machines we thought were freeing us? How do we know the sounds we hear on the radio or the images we see on the tv screen really are being broadcast. How de we know that its really microsoft that screws with our PC's or that the streetlamp which went out just as you passed that mugger wasn't intentional?"

"Right! Thats it! Enough! Just what exactly has this got to do with all these porn channels appearing on our TV subscription?"

"That's what I'm trying to explain. It wasn't me..."