Desperado Pt II - A Random Story

This continues the story from Desperado

I left Johnny's house infuriated with myself. All those years of repressed feelings had spilled out and I'd lost control as I'd seen him on his own, caught with his trousers down.

It had been unbearable all this time to be without him and just as unbearable to be with him.

I realised I was gay when I reached high school. I didn't actually know what was gay was until then.

I'd had feelings for Johnny before that of course, but I just thought that was being friends. When we hit high school it wasn't cool for us to talk about intimate thoughts or sit so closely together in the way that we had.

He just wanted to follow the model set by the more popular lads and do 'guy stuff'. I'm still a guy with my fair share of testosterone, but when it came to ogling turkeys in bikini's (or less when the chance arose) he would find himself commenting on their bodies whilst I would make jibes about their horrendous makeup and fake tans.

Then there were his obsessions.

He would get infatuated with a girl so much that he couldn't even speak to her or treat her as a human being. Is that supposed to be love? It seemed more like worshipping some ethereal creature to me. Then when his lack of interaction failed to get him noticed I'd get all the heartache about why he didn't even exist as far as his latest crush was concerned.

Well, if he'd actually managed to be himself around these so-called 'goddesses' perhaps they would have seen his charm and handsomeness, like I did, instead of the geeky, awkward car crash he became after overthinking every single word or reaction with the opposite sex.

I stepped in to begin with to try and save him some embarrassment but he wouldn't take any advice and my attempts to humanise these objects of desire just led to the detiriation of our friendship.

From then on I just watched from afar as his attempts to interact with his latest 'intended' saw him make a fool of himself time and again, when all he had to do was fall into my arms and be accepted just the way he was.

I guess I now suffered some bitterness and cattiness toward him as a result of all this. Fueled mostly by jealousy, but also from a fear of being rejected by him for who I was. It's not like I asked to be gay, but I wasn't going to apologise for it either.

Each year I saw him becoming a man and getting more handsome and at the same time drifting further away from me. At times our previous friendship feels like a dream that didn't really happen.

I ached for him so much, unfortunately I was too aware of his faults and knew on some level that we could never be. Whenver I found out who his new obsession was jealousy rose its head and I would vow that if I couldn't have him then no-one would.

I'm not sure how things will go from now, but he knows what I want and maybe why things are as they are. I'm going to have set him thinking about me, but will he reciprocate? Can he?

I know it's probably selfish of me to want him to be gay but even if he was a little bi, I could live with that. Just to share myself with him sexually on occasion would be amazing! I can't believe how high I'm flying after this.

I can believe his dick was in my mouth!

I'm just such a pushover at heart. I need to toughen up again.

I can't let him get to me like this.

If I blow this I'll lose him forever.

What can I do?!

I used to know most of the girls he liked, so it was easy for me to put them off him.

Now, though, he had to go and fall for the one girl with which I had no sway.

How could I win this one?

I arrived back home and dumped Dad's golf carts in the hall and then went upstairs to plan.

The next day I sent my feelers around the girls I knew, especially those who knew her. I quickly learned about a rumour of a conversation that Johnny had had with her after the canteen incident. She had actually invited him out with her. Most people seemed to think it was out of pity or a way of saying thank you. No-one seemed to think that maybe she had seen some of what I knew to be in him. I knew I had to play on people's attitude to this news and I would have to make it happen before this evening.

My only chance was to make sure he never got there. If he didn't turn up, then she would be distracted by other eye-candy that I would arrange to be at the rendezvouz. I knew a guy who would be just her type. Of course, if he did turn up she might not even notice his existence with him around. That was the back up plan. The onus of the plan was my responsibility. I had to obstruct his journey and I knew just how to do it.

The night of the date arrived agonisingly slowly, fretting over the details of my plan and checking up on my pawns without sounding too desperate, not letting on that my whole future lay on the outcome of this evening. I left my house at the appointed time and set off as casually as possible, even though inside, my heart was pumping faster than a porn star.

It was raining as I approached the bus stop just down from his house, he was already there.

'Hi Johnny!' I said as cheerfully as I could manage. Did he notice the slight waver in my voice though as my nerves took hold?

'Oh God! Mark!' he replied.

'Is that any way to treat your once best friend?' putting on my impenetrable facade was the only way to get through this.

'Look about the other night...' he was going to dismiss it. No way! Not Now!

'Great wasn't it? I was going to come and offer you another instalment if you're up for it?'

'No!' The look of terror was genuine enough, but was he scared of me or himself? 'I couldn't.'

'Why not? It's the most sex you've ever had.' Too brutal. I was never going to win him over like this.

'Hey! It wasn't sex. It was a blow job!'

'Keep it down Johnny boy! Do you want the whole street to know what we got up to?'

'WE didn't get up to ANYthing!'

'I remember you keeping it up very well actually. In fact it was sort of left unfinished.'

'I've got other plans.'

'So that's not a 'No' then?' Could this be hope? I've got to keep reminding him of how it felt.

'I mean, that I haven't got time to listen to this. I really don't want to go over it all again.'

'But Johnny, don't you remember how it felt? Just close your eyes.'

'Mark! I'm not gay, okay! Just stop it. I can accept that you think you're gay, but I know I'm not. Stop trying to seduce me.'

I'd overstepped the mark. Damn.

'Okay! Alright! This is me backing down. I..It's...The other night took a lot of courage for me okay.' Lets try the truth and see where that gets us.

'Courage?'

'Damn right, courage! Yeah! You threw away our friendship just because I started acting wierd around you and you never thought why?'

'uh..well. I'd never have guessed you had a gay crush on me.'

'Oh that's right just dismiss it as a crush. The gay guy can't possibly be in love.' Ooopsy! Did I just say...

'In. Love?'

'Love. Yes.'

'Right. I'm definitely not having this conversation tonight.'

'Why because of 'sexy wittle Jenny-poos'? Do you really think she'd go for you?'

'Jennifer? How do you know about our date?'

'Oh, Puh-leeze! Most of the school knows about it. Most of the school have been hiding their smirks behind their hands for the past few days and will be at Georgie's waiting for the train wreck.' Fuck it. The bus was due any minute now. If I could distract him long enough I'd have won this battle.

'When did you get so bitter? Why do you have to spoil my chance at happiness? This girl could be the one for me. I don't care what a fool I look like. I know she'll be there with all her friends and it's not like a proper date, but this time I'm going to have fun and she WILL want me!

The finger jabbing into my chest, actually hurt and I'd never seen him so angry before. I must have touched a nerve. Or maybe he had been sitting on this for the last few days trying to make up his mind.

'What are you going to do Johnny? Whirl in and romance her off her feet? You couldn't even seduce a tramp with a bottle of whisky!' MOuth! Shut up! I'm trying to think here!

'Are you trying to ruin my night before its begun? If you were any sort of friend, If you had any kind of feeling for me can't you let me find my happiness instead of dragging me into your version of paradise?'

I was speechless now. I'd never seen Johnny stand up for himself like this. He was maturing again. He didn't care what other people thought any more. He had found an inner strength which would carry him through the ups and downs of real life.

'I'm sorry. I guess I'm just lashing out because I'm jealous.' Uh oh! Moment of truth time. 'Johnny. Your bus is coming.'

He turned around to wave it down.

'Before you go. I want you to know. I never wanted to be your enemy. I love you and if your happiness means we never see or speak to each other again. That's what I'll do. I would rather be you friend again though.'

He looked back at me as he got on the bus. 'That's for me to decide. Until then just...just stay away from me.'

The bus shuddered into motion again and Johnny moved to the back of the bus as it turned the corner and rumbled out of sight.

So that was that then. My plan had failed. Johnny would get the girl.

The girl!

Oh no Johnny! I'm sorry. It's too late to stop the rest of my plan.













Character: messing Plot:Banning Resolution: also


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